This is my story. This is my song.

I have felt the call to write, or at least to share my story in some form or fashion, for quite some time. Some days this calling excites me beyond words, and I struggle to describe the humble honor and reward of it all. There’s a fountain of life that bubbles within me, and each time I share what God has done in my life, I get to drink from that fountain. Oh the joy and refreshment He, the fountain, the holder of living water, brings. But, sometimes I sit down to write, and my mind is full. I don’t know where to start. My thoughts get scattered and I feel overwhelmed.

“How am I ever going to tell this story, Lord?” 

I question. I doubt. I fear.

“If only I could slow my mind down. God please. Please help me share. Please give me the words.” 

On the other end of the spectrum, there are days in which the overwhelmed feelings come not from scattered, racing thoughts, but simply from sharing. Days in which reliving these memories is so hard and so painful I put off writing for another day and promise myself I’ll return to it when I am emotionally able. Sharing with others, though therapeutic and healing, can be incredibly hard. When we share, we open ourselves up for others to hear, and to see that which we hold onto so dearly. It can be scary to let others into those places. What if they don’t relate? Don’t understand? Or heaven forbid what if they criticize? Wouldn't it be easier to just keep it all inside? To keep it hidden from the world? I mean, the less you know about me, the less you can critique right? But, the gentle prodding to share is still there…the gentle voice remains, and it beckons me to write…

“…let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise
 your Father in heaven”. (Matthew 5:16)

Oh Lord, take this light…this light that I desperately want to shine for you. Take it and use it for your glory. Let it burn brightly for all to see. May they see you in the pages of this blog, and in the days of my life. And, as the light burns Lord, hold my heart.

When we trust the Lord with our hurts and agonies, those very things can then be an avenue to new beginnings. Our pains and trials almost always become our biggest testimonies to God’s love and faithfulness. The key is letting God use them.  And, I wanna be used.

When I look back on all that I've gone through, I don’t want a single moment of it to be in vain…the joys nor the sorrows. I want every last drop to glorify the Lord. He is the foundation I build my life upon, and He is the legacy I long to leave. When all is stripped away, I want to be remembered simply as a woman who fiercely loved the Lord and loved her family. 

"This is my story. This is my song."